The importance of values and how to find yours
After my divorce, I found myself standing at a crossroads, unsure of where to go next. For so long, I had made decisions based on what was important to us—as a couple, as a family. But now, I was left with a question I hadn’t asked myself in years: What do I actually want?
At first, I didn’t know where to begin. But as I started reflecting on what truly mattered to me—what felt fulfilling, grounding, and right—I began to find clarity. My values became my guide. They helped me rebuild my life in a way that felt authentic, not just by showing me where I wanted to go, but also by helping me recognize where I didn’t want to go.
Values aren’t just words on a page or abstract ideals. They are the foundation of every decision we make, shaping the way we live, work, and connect with others. And yet, so many of us go through life without ever truly identifying them.
What Are Values, and Why Do They Matter?
Values are deeply held principles that influence our decisions, priorities, and sense of fulfillment. Unlike goals—which can be relatively short-term—values often remain constant for decades, sometimes even a lifetime.
Knowing your values helps in two key ways:
It gives you direction. When you understand what truly matters to you, decision-making becomes easier. You have a built-in compass pointing you toward what aligns with your beliefs and priorities.
It prevents regret. If you don’t know your values, you might unknowingly make decisions that go against them, leading to unhappiness down the road.
For example, one of my core values is family. When I was debating whether to finally take the plunge and buy my own home, I thought about how my relationships would improve if we all had a little more space. Moving out of my parents' house wasn’t just about independence—it was about making a choice that aligned with what I truly valued: strengthening family relationships in a healthier way.
How to Discover Your Own Values
If you’ve never taken the time to define your values, it’s never too late to start. One of the best ways is through self-reflection:
Think about what makes you happiest. When do you feel the most fulfilled? What activities, relationships, or experiences bring you the most joy and contentment?
Use a values list. Look at a list of value words (things like honesty, adventure, health, connection) and circle the ones that resonate with you.
Rank them. Narrow your list down to your top ten values—the ones that feel the most essential to who you are.
Identify what you don’t value. It’s just as important to recognize what doesn’t matter to you. Go through the same list and put an X by the values that don’t align with your life. Then rank them from least important to most.
This list isn’t just an exercise—it’s a tool. You can refer back to it whenever you need to make a big decision, set meaningful goals, or even manage your time in a way that aligns with what’s truly important to you.
Common Misconceptions About Values
One of the biggest mistakes people make is confusing values with goals.
Goals are things you accomplish—losing weight, buying a house, getting a degree.
Values are the reason behind those goals—health, stability, education.
Values are long-term. They provide the foundation on which goals are built. If you set goals that don’t align with your values, you’ll likely feel unfulfilled even if you achieve them.
Using Values as a Decision-Making Tool
The beauty of knowing your values is that they take the guesswork out of decision-making. Before committing to something, ask yourself:
✔ Does this align with my values?
✔ Will this bring me closer to what truly matters?
✔ Am I making this decision based on my priorities, or external pressures?
If the answer isn’t clear, revisit your values list. It will remind you of what’s truly important—not what others expect of you, not what society pressures you into, but what you want at your core.
Final Thoughts
Knowing your values is like having a personal roadmap—one that leads you toward fulfillment, confidence, and clarity. It helps you build a life that’s not just successful on paper, but meaningful to you.
If you’ve never explored your values before, I encourage you to take the time. It may just be the key to unlocking a future that feels aligned, intentional, and true to who you are.
Warmly,
Jessica
The Birches Collective