If It’s Not a Hell Yes, It may be a No…
There’s a moment—sometimes just a split second—where your gut tells you everything you need to know. A hesitation. A feeling of unease. A whisper of maybe I shouldn’t.
I had one of those moments recently. Someone reached out for help, and before I even responded, I felt it. That pause. That something in my gut telling me I wasn’t fully on board. But I pushed the feeling aside, convinced myself I was just overthinking, and said yes anyway.
And then, as if scripted, it all played out exactly how my instincts warned me it would. When things didn’t go as planned—not because of anything I did, but because my instructions weren’t followed—I found myself being blamed. And there it was: that sinking feeling of resignation, of being unfairly held responsible for something outside of my control.
I’ve been here before. Maybe you have, too.
How many times have we said yes because we felt we should, not because we actually wanted to? How many times have we ignored our own hesitation out of obligation, guilt, or the belief that being a "good person" means always helping when asked?
But here’s the truth I’m learning: if it’s not a hell yes, (then maybe) it’s a hell no.
Why Do We Say Yes When We Don’t Want To?
For me, it comes from a deep-seated desire to help. I want to be the person who steps up, who solves problems, who makes things better. And for a long time, I thought that meant saying yes whenever I was needed. But the problem with that? Not every request is meant for me. Not every situation is one I should step into. And sometimes, saying yes only helps the other person—it doesn’t help me at all.
So I’m changing the way I make decisions. From now on, before committing to something, I’ll ask myself:
Is this a hell yes?
Am I excited about this?
Am I passionate about it?
If the answer is anything less than an enthusiastic yes, then it’s a no. Maybe not a harsh, abrupt no. Maybe a soft, kind one. But still a no.
Protecting Our Peace By Trusting Our Gut
Saying no doesn’t make us selfish. It makes us intentional. It allows us to set aside the expectations others place on us and be more true to ourselves. And honestly? If someone only values you when you say yes, then your relationship with them was never built on respect in the first place.
We don’t have to explain our gut feelings to anyone. We just have to trust them.
So here’s to more hell yes moments—the ones we step into with excitement, passion, and confidence. And here’s to more hell no decisions—the ones that protect our energy, our peace, and our ability to say yes to the things that truly matter.
Warmly,
Jessica
The Birches Collective